The Search for Significance

42 The Search For SignificanceThe fear of failure can affect our lives inmany ways. The following list is not an exhaustivediscussion of these problems, nor are all theseproblems explained completely by the fear offailure. However, recognizing and removing thefear of failure in each of these situations couldresult in dramatic changes.PERFECTIONISMOne of the most common symptoms of the fearof failure is perfectionism: an unwillingness tofail. This tendency suffocates joy and creativity,and because any failure is a threat, it focuses ourattention on the one thing that failed rather thanthe ten things that went well. A few areas wherepeople tend to be perfectionists include: doingwork well, being punctual, cleaning the house orcar, their appearance, some skill, or practicallyanything we could name! These people usuallyappear to be highly motivated, but their motivationscome from the fact that they are trying desperatelynot to lose self-esteem because of failure.AVOIDING RISKSAnother very common result of the fear offailure is that people are willing to be involved inactivities only if they can do them well. Theyavoid new and challenging activities because therisk of failure is too great. Avoiding risks mayseem comfortable to them, but it severely limitsthe scope of creativity and self-expression, andalso, it limits the scope of their service to God.

The Performance Trap 43ANGER, RESENTMENTWhen injured or insulted by others, we oftenbecome angry. This anger can easily develop intoresentment — a deep bitterness toward the offender.Such resentment is often associated withour fear of failure. For example, when confrontedby others about our performance, we may be defensiveand retaliate with anger and resentment. Itis important to realize that the relief provided byour retaliation is short-lived, if indeed, there isany relief at all.ANXIETY AND FEARFailure often is the source of both self-condemnationand the disapproval of others, both ofwhich are severe blows to a self-worth based onpersonal success and approval. The obvious resultis anxiety. If failure is great enough or occurs oftenenough, it can harden into a negative self-conceptin which the person expects to fail at virtuallyevery endeavor. This negative self-conceptperpetuates itself and leads to a downward spiralof failure and despair.PRIDEWhen a person bases his self-worth on his performanceand is successful, it leads to an inflatedview of himself: pride. A few people persist inthis self-exaltation through any and all circumstances;for most of us, however, this sense of selfesteemlasts only until our next failure (or risk offailure). The self-confidence that most of us tryto portray is only a facade to hide our fear offailure and insecurity.