The Search for Significance

30 The Search For SignificanceObviously these are two broad categories. Mostof us are some combination of the two, willing totake risks and work hard in the areas where weare likely to succeed, but avoiding the people andsituations where rejection and failure are likely.For three years Rob and Kathy had dated.Kathy was a perfectionist. Her clothes, her hair,her work, her car...and her boyfriend had to bejust right. Rob was a good-natured, fun-lovingfellow who was not so concerned about every detailof life. Predictably, the more intense Kathybecame about having everything and everybody"just right," the more passive and easy-going Robbecame. The spiral of intensity and passivity keptgoing until it hit rock bottom. As they sat in myoffice, Kathy quickly saw that her perfectionismcame from a misplaced base of security: her performanceinstead of Christ. But Rob said he didn'thave a problem with performance. He certainlydidn't have a compelling drive to succeed, and hedidn't pressure people around him to "get their acttogether." In the midst of these explanations, Iasked, "But wait, Rob, what about your tendencyto withdraw? Why do you think you do that?" Itstill didn't compute. Finally, after several hours hesaw it. He based his security on his performancejust as much as Kathy did, but he handled it differently.She became more compulsive to havethings "just right," while he withdrew to avoidfailure. Both of them recognized the root of theproblem and started believing that their worth issecure in Christ. Today, Kathy is less intenseabout her performance, and Rob doesn't run fromfailure as much as he used to. They are learningto be intense about the right things: Christ andHis kingdom.When we base our security on success and others'opinions, we become dependent on our abilityto perform and our ability to please others. We

The Saving Solution vs. Satan's Snare 31develop a "have to" mentality: "I have to do wellon this exam (or my security as a "good student"will be threatened);" "I have to make that deal (orit will mean that my boss will think I am a failure);""My father (or mother, spouse, or friend)has to appreciate me and be happy with my decisions(because I cannot cope with his disapproval)."Isn't it odd that we tend to base our selfworthon how well we perform and please othersinstead of what the Sovereign God of theUniverse, our all-wise, omniscient Savior says istrue of us?We do not "have to" be successful or "have to"be pleasing to others to have healthy self-esteemand worth. That worth has freely and conclusivelybeen given to us by God. Failure or the disapprovalof others can't take it away! Therefore, aperson can conclude, "It would be nice to be approvedby my parents (or whomever), but if theydon't approve of me, I'm still loved and acceptedby God." Do you see the difference? The "have to"mentality is sheer slavery to performance and theinopinions of others, but we are secure and freeChrist. We don't "have to" have success or anyoneelse's approval. Of course, "it would be nice tohave" success and their approval, but the point isclear: Christ is the source of our security; Christ isthe basis of our worth; Christ isthe only One whopromises and never fails.This book is dedicated to understanding, applying,and experiencing the foundational truths ofGod's Word. In the remaining chapters, we willidentify four specific false beliefs of Satan's deception.In addition, we will discover God's gracious,effective, and permanent solution to oursearch for significance.