The Search for Significance

10 The Search For Significanceemotional pain. Often unrecognized, it is our needfor self-worth.The case of Mark and Beth aptly demonstratesthis great need. During their final semester atCornell University, Mark and Beth fell in love.Beth's eyes sparkled, her walk had that certainlightness, and she found it difficult to concentrateon her studies. As they gazed into each otherseyes, Beth saw the special affection she hadalways desired. Her need to feel valued and lovedwas fulfilled through their relationship. Likewise,Mark was encouraged and motivated by Beth'sacceptance and admiration of him. With hersupport, Mark thought he could boldly begin asuccessful career after graduation.The summer after they graduated from Cornell,Mark and Beth married, believing their love wouldprovide a permanent sense of self-worth. Unfortunately,Mark and Beth were depending on eachother to fill a void that could only be filled bytheir Creator. Each expected the other always tobe loving, accepting, and forgiving, but soon bothwere disillusioned and even felt betrayed by theother. As the years passed, affirmation turned intosarcasm and ridicule. They had expected eachother to consistently provide love and acceptance,but each failure was another brick in their wall ofhurt and separation. Recently, Mark and Bethcelebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. Theyhad shared ten years of living together, but sadly,very little true, unconditional love. Their searchfor self-worth and significance ended in despair.Another example illustrates how the promise offulfillment through success is an empty promise,often resulting in tragic consequences forourselves and those around us. Brad and Lisa hadbeen happily married for ten years. Brad was asuccessful lawyer and Lisa was a homemaker extensivelyinvolved in church activities. Their two

1Our Search For Significance 1sons, six-year-old Kyle and eight-year-old David,were well-behaved boys. Although their familyappeared perfect to those around them, Brad andLisa were beginning to experience some realproblems. True, Brad's law practice wasflourishing, but at the expense of Lisa and theboys. He arrived home later and later eachevening and often spent weekends locked in hisoffice. Brad was driven to succeed, believing thatsatisfaction and contentment were always just onemore trial victory away. But each success gavehim only temporary fulfillment. Maybe the nextone ....He would not allow anything to interfere withhis success, not even the needs of his family. Atfirst, Lisa seemed to understand. She knew Brad'swork was important, and she hated to protestwhen he was so busy. Not wanting to burden him,she began to feel guilty for talking to him aboutfamily problems. But as weeks turned into months,and Brad remained obsessed by his work, Lisabecame resentful. Even though it was painful, shecould overlook her own needs, but the boys neededtheir father. The family never had time to betogether anymore, and Brad's promises begansounding hollow. "When this big case is over, thepressure will be off," he'd say, but there wasalways another case. Brad was continually solvingother people's problems, but never those of hisown family. Realizing that she and the boysweren't important to Brad, Lisa became bitter anddepressed.As the problems persisted, they became obviousto others. Friends began asking Lisa what waswrong. Finding it difficult at first to admit thesituation, Lisa eventually shared her feelings withthem. However, she was hurt and surprised by theglib responses from well-intentioned, but insensitivepeople. "Just trust the Lord," one said.